French Quarter, Issue 4

We re-join the French Quarter comic book series in New Orleans.  Our silver lickin’, 18th century French graffiti writin’, silver angel handled stake totin’ vampire killer is trolling the streets…

There’s nothing like the muggy smell of sex and death. New Orleans is ripe and ready for another night of violence.  It may not ever get clean, but I’ll do my best. 

 I love the taste of killing.  Of ending.

 

It never gets old, the hunt. 

And it’s never, ever, enough.  All these pretty bright things.  But only on the outside. On the inside, they’re rotten, diseased.

My first time was rather sloppy.  I was young and new and it was just so exciting.  Like everything killing gets better with age.

Except maybe blood.  It just gets bitter.  But practice does make perfect, like they say.

 

I know…Sort of obvious –

 

 

–but really, those three need all the help they can get.

 

 

Now that that’s taken care of…I really do need to find something to eat.

 

New Orleans has never been known for having the most honest police force.  And their vampire crime unit?  — the lowest rung on the shittiest ladder you can think of.

Detective Killian West speaks to Sookie, Eric and Bill in his office.  “So what you are saying is, you won’t help us because… “ Sookie indignantly asks Detective West.  “I don’t like you?  I don’t give a shit about a few gooey vampires with Hep D?  Or the fact that you have no leads? “  West responds.  “Take your pick.  And a short skirt does not mean I have to find you charming.”

Arms crossed, Sookie leans forward and says “You really are a jerk.  We didn’t have to come here—we’re helping you out.  But clearly you don’t want to solve any of this.  Apparently, you like being a useless loser in a crappy office that smells like pee.”  West replies… “sticks and…”  A voice interrupts their chat from another room.  “West!  Get the fuck in here…”  “You better get the fuck in there,” Sookie injects.

 “Ass hole.”  Bill suggests that “Now would be a good time to start “listening” Sookie.”

Normally, Sookie doesn’t like listening in on people, but sometimes…a girl’s got to do what a part-faerie girl’s got to do.

 

Bill says…”I hope this plan of your works, Eric.”  A thoughtful Eric tells Sookie and Bill “West isn’t going to tell us anything, and we can’t start rifling through his desk looking for clues…this is our best option.”

“I wish…donuts…” “Where the hell…Django Lane…Old Agatha…”  “…didn’t call her…graffiti in blood…trying…” “…Blondie…her knees…”

That’s enough of that.

A voice asks:  “Did you find anything?” Sookie reports:  “Looks like the killer left another blood message-but it got reported as graffiti…a vampire named Agatha Chalmers called it in.”  Eric finds that…  “Interesting, she was Miss Agatha when I knew her…” Sookie asks:  “You know this lady?” Eric admits:  “Lady might be a loose term for her.”

As Sookie, Eric and Bill leave West’s office, Bill translates:  “That Eric’s gentlemanly way of saying that she is a prostitute.”  Sookie says:  “Great, that’s what we need, a vampire prostitute.”  West overhears their conversation and asks: “Did somebody say hooker?”  Sookie tells West:  “I said you suck.  Now get out of my way, before I call a real cop.”  “This is the Big Easy, darlin’…”  West replies.

Back at Fangtasia…

“I’m as real as it gets.”

 

At Fangtasia, Lafayette’s first night went better than it could have.  He didn’t get eaten, for a start.

From behind the bar, Lala gives fashion advice to two scantily dressed dancers.  Lala tells one of the ladies she should be a red-head because it would bring out her eyes…her body won’t last forever.  Never fear, she has a little side business , “But with all the craziness in New Orleans, the supply’s dried up.”

Pam emerges from behind a door and requests a moment with Lala.    Pam tells the dancers that they should “…talk less and dance more…” because she has… “seen sexier corpses.  Literally.”  Pam pops her fangs and tells Lala “…don’t make me ask twice…”  To that, Lala excuses himself: ” Ladies, Sir, it was a pleasure.”  A very good-looking male vampire says:  “The pleasure was all mine.”  The always enterprising Lala says:  “I gotta get him on my webcam.”

Pam compliments Lala on how he handled himself on his first night, but she tells him he really needs to not piss off the customers.  Pam has business out-of-town and she is leaving Lala and Ginger in charge of Fangtasia until she gets back.

A million responses run through Lafayette’s mind. This is what comes out:

“You have got to be fucking with me.  The only reason I’m not bled the fuck out right now is because those vamps are scarred of Eric.  I’m doing you a favor, and now you want me to run a vampire bar without a vampire around to protect me?  Fuck that shit.”

Pam is not amused.

“You done?  Good, because I wasn’t really asking.  I thought that would have been clear by now.  You’ll do this…or I’ll slice your belly open and wrap your intestines around your neck like a feather boa.  Are we clear?”

Back at the hotel in New Orleans…

Sookie’s bubble bath is interrupted.  “I can do this myself, you know.”   “That sounds…interesting,” Eric says as Bill barges into the bathroom… “Eric, I think you should leave.”  Sookie is not amused.  “No, Bill.  I want both of you to leave.  I need to think.”

As Eric looks out a window, he says…”So do I.  This all feels so…”

PARIS, AGAIN.

“…familiar.”

The night Eric and Godric discovered Guerra was killing vampires.

Naked, Eric looks out a window while three exhausted naked ladies lay on the bed nearby.  As Godric enters the room, he says  “You look troubled, Eric.  We will make this right.  I promise you.”  Eric says:  “I know, I just don’t understand…”  Godric knows what Eric is thinking… “Why I did not let you go after him last night?  He’s too clever.  He wanted you to follow him.  It was a trap.  What worries me is this madness of Guerra’s – His conviction of our superiority…our purity.  I can see it spreading like a plague.  Guerra is not alone in his thoughts.  We are so strong.  So powerful.  What can stop us but ourselves?”

Eric tells Sookie “I still don’t understand why this killer is here now.”  Sookie wants to find out.

Sookie tells Eric and Bill… “Well, this is really not what I was expected.  It’s kind of…comforting,” as they approach a house and knock on the door.  A woman answers the door and recognizes Eric.  “Why, Eric Northman!  What a pleasant surprise.  And you brought guests.”  The woman invites the trio in and offers them some tea for Sookie and type O for the boys.

Bill tells the woman:  “No, thank you, Ma’am.  We are in a bit of a hurry.”  Eric chides Bill “Don’t be rude, Bill.  Agatha has some of the finest…tastes in the state.”  Sookie explains to Agatha “We were told you had a collection of vampire books that might be able to help us in a little matter we’re looking into-for Mr Northman. “

“If the NECRONOMICON is in here somewhere, I’m leaving.”  “The what?” Bill asks.  “Never mind,” says Sookie.

Sookie and Bill join Eric and Agatha in the library.

A better look at that book.

And the pentagram.

As Eric reaches for a book from the shelf, Agatha tells him, “You may have that, if you like, Eric.  For old times sake.”  Politely, Eric says… “No, I…don’t think I should.  But thank you.  It will be safer here.”

Agatha takes the book from Eric, opens it tells him, “I think this may be of some use to you.”  A voice from behind Agatha says, “Seriously, how does she know this stuff and who is this guy?”

Eric offers, “I think I may be able to answer that.”

Back at Fangtasia…

The usual crowd of protesters that no one cares about.  The truth is, vamps don’t need to worry about humans with signs – and the humans who want to be fed on either cross the picket lines or just sneak in the back.   A few of them used to carry those same signs, too.

Lala is back behind the bar.  “I should have asked Tara to join me.  She could curse anyone to death.”

A handsome vampire delivers the worst pick up line I have ever read.  “Mama always said, life is like a box of chocolates-that looks just like you.”  Lala is not impressed.  “Why, thank you, I think.”  The vampire wants to know when Lala gets off work.  But, Lala tells him:   “Any time I think of the tight end on my high school football team.”

Lafayette doesn’t date vampires…same team , but Lafayettte’s out of his league.

Lala sees Pam talking to two men by the front door and wonders “ Now what in the world is going on over there?  Pam doesn’t usually like anyone so…full of testosterone.” Lala overhears.   “You’re sure?”  “Yes, Ma’am.” Pam doesn’t like being called Ma’am…“You call me Ma’am again and I’ll wear your balls for earrings.  Well, that puts the entire situation in a new light.  And our paranoid bartender thinks I’m talking about him.”  Lala  says:  “Aw…shit.”

Sookie thanks Agatha “…you really helped us.”  Agatha tells Sookie:  “Pleased to.  I know what it’s like when Eric Northman needs you.”  Sookie tells Agatha  “Oh, no…we’re not…”

Agatha strokes Sookie’s cheek and tells her “I understand child.  And I’m sure you and Mr Compton have things to sort out as well.”

“Just be careful…with more than your heart.  You’re different.  But you know that.”

A neat little house with a large mortgage, by New Orleans’ standards, at a decent rate…that’s what 15 years on the job and the NOPD credit union get you.

 

Someone’s here…

 

The rush of adrenaline pushes West through the exhaustion of another long shift. 

 

West pulls his gun, smashes in his door and aims it at the intruder. The intruder says:    “An entire house, and no tissues?  I’m reduced to using toilet paper!”

West says:  “What the fuck, Le Deux?  I almost shot you.”

 “I wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t important.  Things have gotten complicated…I need your help.”

To be continued…